A Portrait in Time

They didn't let it happen, Venus is in the dark side... retrograde and removed from reasoning. So I have to accept that the interplay in this stark clinical world of courts and 'objections your honor' have to pick this up and play with it to know the details. I had been waiting for today, because I was to be divorced. But they didn't let it happen. A plea for a dismissal of the default yada yada fuck up... was somehow accepted. My lawyer was stunned. So it would have nothing to do with my prior tussles with the judge. I had expressed my concerns last week. When this lawyer became mayor of the little historic town at the bottom of the hill, he zoned it off and sold it up the ying yangs. Not content with the available land he brought in a rancher and they worked out a land trade deal with useless checkerboard land 100 miles from her, and carved out prime real estate in this lush little valley. So he & us tussled over his affiliations, and...

Was up on the mountain early this morning, long before sunrise. Good long walk up hill helps get the mind quiet. All the time I was looking for a token of the day. I am a champion on finding a treasure when I want one. A token from the earth that gestures an offering, a symbol. But today no scat or bones, the birds busy. I sat in a new meditation spot. One of the rare nooks on the hill that is other worldly. My eye have been playing tricks on me recently. When I meditate the field of focus opens up. I am trying to see the space inbetween everything we see. Maybe I am getting short sighted. But when I am around trees and sky its like I see everything as I have never seen it before. While sitting and contemplating, on the earth beside me I find a old piece of glass. A broken shard from an old thick bottle. Picking it up I consider it my token for the day. At first I think it too simple to be a symbol. Then I hold it up and look through it, I consider it my lense. What is changing today i...

As average as this evening may seem, there is panic lurking beneath the surface. How can life continue so normally, is the world not aware that part of the world has ceased to exist. A major pluck on the heartstrings part of the world. Romance, requited love, just love. All now erased from my heart and the heart of existence. Fake and phony after all. An Impression of the reality of what it takes to step into the arena of commitment. This I acknowledge knowing that I too stepped away. I too had closed the aorta that surrendered to love. So here is the opportunity. For a whole new story to unveil. But who could not be sad at the loss of a rear formula of love. Of a classical landscape once embellished with a sheltered nook and a picnic, now an asphalted pit stop. Lost of all the archetypal offerings of love, to be benign of expression. Like the culture of love had escaped completely. No catalyst left to offer a tickle to any fancy. So into the desert of aban...

Days left. Four exactly. Then the Judge will wield his hammer and change will be logged in legal documents. We will walk away in separate directions. I have spent this last weekend looking at our little house. Cleaning and removing the bits of him that have remained unstirred in the last 6 months. A hollow emptiness with dust sculpting the hemispheres of the undisturbed. I have been waiting for him to blaze through here in his furious style. That will still happen, but at lease all his things are in one spot. Less obvious, boxed and organised, that was always what I did well, anticipate & prepare. Somehow I wasn't prepared for him leaving, this time. But I was absent and had left a long time ago. I had summarised that I loved the painter and couldn't live with the man. It runs deeper that this. Deep as a gulch you could get lost and trapped in. Trapped for almost 13 years.. 13 unlucky for some. Not me. My spirit was no longer free in his world. I...